Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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