i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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