I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
