i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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