i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
