What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
this is an emotional support booty call
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
