They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
