My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
