Please, let me fuck your mom
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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