So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
