hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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