It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
