last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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