That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize