im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
