wat bout pragnant strippers??
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
