I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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