I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
