I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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