so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize