I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
