On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
the liver wants what the liver wants
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
