Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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