Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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