I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
