The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize