I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
