I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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