I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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