i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
