Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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