just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
