you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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