All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
