break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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