I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
