It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
