things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i would punch a child for taco bell
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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