I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
