mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
