i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
