I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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