I'm so fucking centered right now
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
