I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
