Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
