If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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