dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
