what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
