what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
