my vag is so smooth its legendary
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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