im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
