so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
