the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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