i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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