so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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