hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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