Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
