so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
