he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
