i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
