Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
